Bullying is a problem. I think everyone has been bullied at some level, at some point in their life. There are lot of different ways to handle a bully, and some of these ways have evolved over the years. Bullying comes in different forms and different severities, ranging from minor to extreme.
It seems that the anonymous cloak of internet bullying has enabled more people to become bullies, and in some cases, behave in a way that they would never behave in person.
We reached out to Holly Springs resident Don “Big Weather” Schwenneker to get his take on being bullied. If you don’t know Don, he’s a meteorologist with ABC 11 in Raleigh. The reason we chose Don is because on-air personalities are notoriously bullied by viewers. They come under attack for everything from their weight and haircuts to their outfits, speech and just about anything they do on-air. We figured if anyone knows how to handle this topic, Don would.
SL: How long have you lived in Holly Springs?
DS: It will be ten years in March.
SL: How did you end up in Holly Springs?
DS: I went to Chicago to do the weather, and six months in, our lead anchor was killed in a snowmobile accident. Management decided to move me to take his spot and be the new morning anchor. They paired me with his co-anchor, who was an amazing woman, and taught me how to be a news anchor. I did it for a while and as ratings were on the rise, management changed, and [the new management] came in and fired half the staff. They wanted me to stay on to do traffic, but also let me know that if I found a weather job somewhere else, they would release me from my contract.
Raleigh wasn’t on my radar, but I was invited to Raleigh by a friend of mine who convinced me to go on an interview here. I received an offer from Raleigh, and one in the Midwest, which would have been a night job. My son, who was seven at the time, reminded me that if I took the night job, I’d never be able to coach him in baseball. [Raleigh] was a morning job, and I loved the station, and working for Disney is wonderful. I plan to stay here as long as they’ll have me.
SL: How long have you been in the news industry?
DS: I started when I was 20 years old, so 27 years.
SL: So, you started before email and the internet were really mainstream.
DS: Absolutely.
SL: With that being said, do you feel personal attacks have become more common with the introduction of the internet than they were when you first started.
DS: Yeah, I do. People will type things that they would never say to your face. Before the internet become commonplace, people would call you and say something like “I don’t like the tie you’re wearing.” You could have a conversation with them, and they realized that what they were saying was almost rude. Sometimes I think they think they’re helping you.
When I first started and someone called and you could speak with them, nine times out of ten, they weren’t trying to be a bully, they were trying to be constructive. Now, there’s no context when they sit down and type something. They figure “Well, he’s never going to see it anyway.” If I have their email and I can write them back, I may say something like, “I like that tie,” and 99% of the time they reply, “I didn’t mean to be offensive,” because now they’re having a conversation instead of just making a comment.
I once had a boss tell me years ago, before you send an email, wait 30 seconds and reread it before sending it. You’ll be surprised how much things can change in 30 seconds.
I’ve been coaching youth sports for a long time. I have a rule as a coach. If you have a problem with anything that happens on the field, whether it’s me or it’s an umpire or whatever, I promise I will hear you out, but you’re not allowed to talk to me for 24 hours after the game. You’d be surprised at how few bad comments I got with that policy. It gave people time to cool down. With the internet now, and Twitter and Instagram or whatever, people aren’t taking the time to breathe. They fire it off immediately.
SL: Where do you think the line is between constructive criticism and bullying?
DS: It depends. If it’s something I can change, I will always take constructive criticism. As an example, if someone says, “You’re not showing my town enough on the weather report, and we’re always the coldest place on the map,” I’ll look into that to figure out why, and make a change if I should. [If they say,] “You’re fat,” I can’t change that tomorrow. When the attacks become personal or something that I can’t change, that’s when it becomes bullying. Even if the message is delivered with a negative tone, if it’s something I should work on or change, I will.
SL: To change gears…how tall are you?
DS: 6’5” and 320lbs.
SL: You’re a big guy. Is anyone ever nasty to your face?
DS: Oh yeah. My favorite story is that I had a lady come up to me one time in a grocery store, and she says, “Oh my gosh, you’re the weatherman,” and I kinda swelled with pride and I said, “Yes I am.” She says, “I knew it; I recognized your bald spot.” She wasn’t being ornery, she was just excited to meet me, and that’s what came out. What I get online is much nastier.
If I’m screwing up the weather report because I said we have a low chance of rain, and you decided to stain your deck based on my report and it rained, well I’m sorry. You can come at me for that, but if you’re writing to tell me that I have three chins, then that’s on you.
SL: So how do you handle the online negative comments?
DS: I really try to reach out to every person that contacts me, even when it’s a negative comment. I don’t do it publicly. It really doesn’t happen to me as much as it does to other people in the business. Most of the comments I get are about my weight or something I’m wearing. I’m a big guy. My blood pressure is good, my cholesterol is good, I work out. I’m just a big guy. That’s not going to change.
SL: How bad is it for the women you work with?
DS: Women in our business pay a heavy price. I’ve seen women leave the business because of it. I don’t think you can underestimate the support of the people around you. Although John (Clark), Barbara (Gibbs) and I are all from such diverse backgrounds, we kind of come together over the bullying and we kind of lean on each other. When something happens at work, sometimes it’s easier to just walk away and talk to a friend. I realize that not everybody has that friend they can talk to, so I feel blessed in that way.
SL: If you were to give a percentage of the bullying toward males vs females in your industry, what do you think the proportion is?
DS: If I were to guess, it would be 80:20 with women taking the 80%.
SL: How do you feel bullying has evolved with kids these days?
DS: I was bullied at school. I was the biggest kid in school, but my mom raised me to not fight back. When we were kids, if someone was giving me a hard time at school, I could go home and get away from it. Now, as the father of teenagers, I know that my son is in multiple conversations at home all the time through social media. There is no getting away from it. There’s not that down time that we had growing up. That built-in cool-down period that we had when not at school doesn’t exist anymore. I think that’s what so many kids and teens struggle with now.
It’s so much easier if kids can find other people with similar interests and voices. For my kids, we were happy when they went from elementary to middle school and had so many new students they could connect with, then to high school and even more kids that shared similar interests. I think that makes it so much easier for them if they can find a group where they feel comfortable.
SL: It can obviously be easier for an adult to address someone that they’re being bullied by though confronting the bully. It’s not that simple for kids. As someone that has dealt extensively with being bullied online, are there other coping mechanisms that you are aware of or have used to deal with online bullying?
DS: First of all, don’t be afraid to ask for help. For kids, talk to your mom or dad. If you’re not comfortable talking with them, then a counselor at school or a teacher, or even a pastor. Go to a grown-up that can help you find some help. You are not alone. Everybody has been bullied. Even the bullies have been bullied. Talk to a grown-up. Even if they don’t know how to help you, they can help you find help. You have to talk to somebody. Not text – talk to them.
I’ve always told my kids, “If you’re having a problem with someone and you’re afraid to talk to me because you’re afraid that mom or dad are going to get too involved, then talk to a teacher or another adult because we’ve all been through it, and we’ve all coped with it in different ways. By talking with someone outside the family, you may even get an idea from someone that mom and dad didn’t think of.”
SL: If you were to talk with someone who’s not sure if their behavior constitutes bullying, what would you say to them?
DS: I think, a lot of the time, people don’t even realize they’re bullying. I think that line is that if you are saying something that you wouldn’t say to an acquaintance to their face—not a friend, but an acquaintance—then you probably shouldn’t say it online.
It’s been said in many forms, but a quote I like is: “The only thing we can control in life is our reaction to circumstances.” I’m paraphrasing here, but it’s the truth. It can be hard when you’re going through it. If someone is being mean to you, and they’re not physically harming you, you can turn away from them and get help. You can choose to not let them affect you. It’s hard, but it’s necessary. You don’t know what’s going on in their life either. Their life may be so terrible, that they only way they can deal with it is by bullying others. I haven’t always been this way, but now when someone is bullying me, I often feel bad for them. Something is so wrong in their life, that they can’t control, that they’re trying to control someone else’s.
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Bullying is a serious problem. Bullying contributes to youth suicide, puts companies out of business, and is the root of countless fights. Please talk to your kids about bullying. Ask them if they are being bullied and explain to them what constitutes bullying. Adults sometimes need to ask themselves if any of their own actions could be seen as bullying. Take a breather before making a nasty comment or typing something nasty to someone. If we could incorporate a cool-down period before reacting, there would be a lot less hate to go around.
